I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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