my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
