You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
