..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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