Kiss
Puke
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
