You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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