pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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