is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
