well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
