at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
