scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
