Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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