If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
