So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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