yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am naked and annoyed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
