yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
