Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize