He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
even my farts smell like vagina
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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