Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
