Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
