Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize