I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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