You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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