Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
