i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
