I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
