its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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