no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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