Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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