If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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