My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
