Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Your dad touched me again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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