Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
