If that was your dad, he is hot
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
