it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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