Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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