proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize