Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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