Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
