Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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