Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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