last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
