On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
