It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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