is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
