I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
