I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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