I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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