i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
