This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
