I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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