I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
