new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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