bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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