dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
