Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
