Don't make out with my wife yet
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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