where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
